Faggots Are Women: Fawther-Daughter Dance

Dear father’s & father figure’s and daughter’s & daughter figure’s, It has recently come to our attention that the girl’s are not well. Given such concerns such as, we would like to invite you, cordially, and your other other half to a mandatory FAWther Daughter Dance this coming cordial November Sweet 15 (ahem, 16, 1AM–1PM), at the recently re-dedicated Laura Bush Middle School Cafeteria (Brooklyn, NY). “But dadday! What is to dance?” We’re so glad you asked: + A most-ages PLURity Ball where you can take the pledge, be a pledge, take it again, tally ‘em up, and even pledge it back out in front of all your pledged-in girlitas. + A sacred opportunity to pass the moral keys to her heart to a culturally appropriate and ever still potent phantom mascaline surrogate dad swinging from the rafters in the mancave upstairs, who can scare her precious spirit straight. + A foot-riding waltz-a-thon across that ever-shifting threshold to wxmynhood, creating memories that, like it or not, last a lifetime in her delicate, forming soul. Testifies one actually-existing dad: “Her whole being absorbs my loving attention. She thinks: My daddy thinks I'm beautiful in my own unique way. My daddy has taken time to be silly and learn the fox-trot. My dad really loves me!" When the culture lures our daughters to a mattress on the floor, or leaves her self-worth stranded in murky tradewaters trying to fill all sorts of primarily spiritual voids, how firm will your example cordially have been? Will she know that getting back at dad’s replacement will not itself change her world? Sheltering her under your pledge, this night of joy and faith may flicker back when she finally transitions—from your babygirl to some guy’s babygirl. Will she know how she should be honored? Will you? Fatherboard (Disambiguation): Papa Who Bored Me; overjuicy or just withholding?; Miss Oedi-puss; Ties n’ Tiaras; Caitlyn “Boom Boom” Jenner; Al Bundly’s flagging potence; the letter you’ve written to daddy; Purity Ring (of Edmonton); cloth father 4 wire father; transmasc Yentl; fierce is fierce hunni; gaggg; silent tweakment; vals de XV con papas; Daddies Warbucks; deadbeat spunkle; Elektra Abundance-Evangelista complex; dad’s period; fabstinence-only; belt coming off; backflip on Maury; you are my real dad and you always have been; in-absentia eleganza; baddie issues; turning Becky into Dan; Mx. Doubtfire’s silken shewee; pee-paw; primal scenis; I Luh Ya Papi; pledging allegiance to your dad; m’old man; m’debutainte; Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mamma's Hung, You in the Closet, and I'm Feelin' So Sad; Riley’s dad turned inside out; Kevin’s dad, Kevin, Sr.; lawnmower boothriding; one day blinding stew; Jojo Sliwa; Papa Don’t Preach (Kelly Osbourne); Lenny & Zoë; Steven & Liv; Homer & Lisa; Jamie & Britney; Will & Willow; Lot & [redacted]; Joe & Janet; Atticus & Scout; Billy Ray & Miley; Vader & Leia; Peetah & Meg; Shawn Corey & Blue Ivy; Frank & Moon Unit (& Diva); Elon & Vivian (& the other twelve who aren’t yet trans); Ivanka & Tiffany going stag; Mamma Mia finale fourgy; on this, the day of my “step-”daughter’s wedding; Avoid Freud; “If you see my mummy, mum’s the word.” Dad Jokes by BASHKKA Jacob Meehan Kilopatrah Jones Will Jack Puritea Pastourelle Mariyea NB: Cordially absolutely no dads admitted without daughters. Strictly bring a young lady, be a young lady. Cordially best, The FAWmily Research Council